To record the scientific findings of a trans person transitioning with birth control pills.
What's the deal with trans people and clicker training lmao
Forgor to update yesterday lmao, nothing special happened lol, I mayy have gotten another hot flash but I can't be sure since I gooned that night, so I'm not sure if it was an effect of gooning, the estrogen overdose or both combined, but I hadn't felt that before, it was even more intense than the suspected hot flash I had when I first took estrogen.
And on that topic,
About gooning: Yeah it feels way different and better than before, I still only get the mood to do it every month or so, and that's if I remember to do it because sometimes I feel like I want to do it but I leave it for the night and then I just kind of...forget to do it lol
My nipples are really sensitive today though, I was just lying in my chair and I felt my shirt on them, and they hurt slightly more than most days.
Forgot to take my pills yesterday so I'm overdosing today, lol, taking 4 instead of 2, I'll give the results tomorrow.
Gooned for science today, just before strarting to take estrogen I gooned and saw my cum under the microscope, and it looked normal I actually did this to test the eventual effects of estrogen in my body, here's a pic:
It's not a very good resolution image, prolly because of the lighting, but I could actually see the sperms moving when I did that, however, today I repeated the same test, and...
Nothing, nothing was moving this time, I may actually have a 0 sperm count in my body, which means that I am infertile, which doesn't really bother me since I've never wanted to have children (ew), and it also proves one more time that the estrogen is doing its job.
I went outside today, I got cold and my tits got fucking cold lnao.
Today I took several pics of me in a skirt, fishnet arm things and thigh highs in the bathroom with my instant camera, but the pictures didn't turn out as expected, so I went back inside after coming down to eat to take more photos, but only this time, because I had time I just locked myself in the bathroom for half an hour and enjoyed the feeling of actually feeling like a girl, the pictures still didn't come out as I expected them, but they were much better, and I took a really cute one with my phone, the whole thing was really fun tbh, for the first time in ages I actually felt genuine happiness and excitement for something.
At some point I just sat down on the bathroom floor and hit this pose \/| cause I wanted to take a photo like that, but for a while I just stayed there contemplating my existance, then I scrolled through youtube posts for a while, it was almost therapeutic.
My beard growth seems to have finally started to slow down, until a few weeks ago I had to shave every day to not have a beard, but now I only need to do it every 2-3 days, I've also been shaving my arms and legs, noone's gonna see my legs really cause I never wear something like shorts outside, and I don't plan on presenting fully feminine yet, but I think it's helpful.
I've also been trying to put on makeup, I started with eyeliner, and it was a srange experience, I was fucking terrified of it at first because I thought it was gonna touch my eye and kill me or smth, and at some point as I was halfway done I got very extreme nausea, and a feeling that I was gonna pass out, like, as my eyes were open I started to see less and less, like they were actively being shut down, so I just sat on the toilet seat in case I actually passed out, but after a while I went back to normal, and I was no longer scared of it anymore, so I finished my right eye and then I did my left one without much complications, it didn't look great but it was a good start, after 2 days I did it again and it turned out muuch better, I also just got my own eyeliner yesterday cause I was using my mother's one lol.
I've also been buying lots of girl clothes, well, lots as in, 5, technically 4 in 2 months, compared to the 3 pieces of clothing that I've bought in the span of my entire life, those were 2 Green Day tshirts and 1 MCR tshirt, anyways in these last 2 months I've bought: A Nekopara cosplay, a skirt which was actually really comfortable, a choker, a bracelet and a Kino tshirt, as in, the Soviet Punk-Rock band Kino, that's not really girl clothing, but I bought it especially to look girly cause I ordered it XL size, my size is medium, but L in China is Medium in my Rodina, I know this because I had bought a Molchat Doma tshirt from China before, so I guess it was actually 4 pieces of clothing I had bought before this. Because of that I said, oh, well so XL is probably L here, but it was actually XL this time lol, can't complain though it's a really nice shirt; Tsoi Zhiv.
btw my depression is back, on the early days of taking estrogen I had said that my depression was slowing down, but not anymore, its even worse than before lmao, I cry at least 2 times per week.
Been coming out to most people I know except for 1 guy cuz idk, I think it'll be fun when he finds out lol.
Anyways, touched my boobs again today, and just...fuck...it feels nice, I actually felt like I wanted to moan at that moment, the strange part is, it felt good in a combination of a sexual and non sexual way, it's like getting hugged in a warm way but getting sexually aroused from it in a very intense way.
Ive also been getting really cold, the soviet winter used to have nothing on me, now it does.
My right eye and leg hurt, fun, yesterday it was my entire body and left eye though, so ig I can't complain, although I'm not sure if this is because of hrt or something else.
Not sure if this is hrt related but all my limbs hurt, and I feel down af. Someone pointed out I may start having some deficiencies in my body, fun.
Nipples still hurt btw, sometimes I feel like they're gonna fall off. I also tried touching my breasts yesterday and...it...made my stomach feel like it was spinning, as if there was a horizontally laid out stick in my stomach, and an organic mesh in the middle, a very rusty organic mesh, and touching them made the mesh spin, that is the best way I can put it, it isn't painful though.
Also, the way I get my hormones with conservative, zionist, trump supporting parents is by ordering them via a food delivery app and in there I order them by a supermarket, but today the fucking estrogen didn't fucking arrive, so on Monday I'm gonna have to get out of my school early, go to the nearby pharmacy and buy it there, and if they ask whytf am I buying it, I have a girlfriend and we're gonna fuck.
Soooooooooooo...remember when I said my boobs were growing, well turns out they weren't, but now I'm 100% sure they are, my nipples have been hurting for 4 days straight now, and I did some research and found that, nipple soreness actually starts when your breasts start growing, so they've just started growing, I think I've actually entered girl puberty now, I won't experience it as an actual girl but...it will be a very interesting 3-4 years of my life.
After realising this fact I just...laughed for around 15 minutes on my bed.
but do you know what this means, only reader of this stupid website????!?!?!?!!1/1/1?!?!?1?!1/!?!?//!? This means, that the experiment is proving to be a TOTAL SUCCESS!!!!!!, so far, I have proven that you CAN turn yourself into a girl with a specific type of birth control pills, again, DON'T do this if you're planning on transitioning, you probably deserve better than me.
Today I woke up and my nipples were hurting, but because I was still half asleep I said oh y'know, it's probably normal like when my arm hurts or my leg hurts, and then I gained consiousness, and I said wtf, my boobs are gaining sensitivity now, cause I remember hearing from someone that your breasts get sore when you're on hrt, after that I just laughed for a solid 5 minutes.
Upping my dose to 6mg per day, nothing else has happened.
Bought my second box of estrogen.
I'm starting to up my dose to 3mg/day, this will raise the amount of medication I have to buy but it will still be very maneagable (around 2.5 euro per month instead of every 3 months, the box has 28 pills)
I think my boobs are starting to grow...they feel a bit different and I think bigger, if I touch them my stomach hurts slightly, sadly I fear like this may be a sort of placebo effect.
Also, my libido has been dead for a while lmao, i've also felt less depressed in a way.
I had a hot flash tonight, and a trilogy of dreams that were recorded in the dream journal, found in the main page of the site.
Started taking estrogen, I'm taking Levonorgestrel/Ethinylestradiol, a cheap birth control medication for women, however I do think I have to say, do NOT do this yourself, I am taking this because I don't really value my life much, if you have the chance go to a doctor, or find some other better medication for transitioning do it, I'm also starting with 1mg per day.